Worst Advice Ever–Don’t Drink, Stupid!

So far, the advice that pisses me off more than anything is the dumbasses who keep telling me its a good idea to drink while I’m pregnant. Really? Maybe that’s why your kids are all fuckered up. Not to say mine won’t be, but at least I’ll know its not because mommy couldn’t say no to getting her buzz on. Would I like a glass of wine every now and then? You bet your ass! This baby-making business is stressful as hell. I could really use a drink. But Jr. is only a few inches long and he/she/it really can’t handle the liquor. Wait until it’s at least, you know, three foot tall or so before you start teaching it how to do keg stands.

I’ve been told (by non-medical professionals) that German women would drink a beer every night of their pregnancy with good results. Good for the Germans! I’ve also been told its healthy to drink wine during pregnancy. I’m doing the UNHEALTHY thing by NOT drinking wine. Bite me. You would think that people would be more supportive of my choice to be dry, dry, dry. People have been pushing me more to party since I got knocked up than they did before I was preggers. So thank you all for your retarded comments, you dumbfucks, I’ll take a Sprite thanks. This is not Miller time, its baby making time. And no drinking is another reason BEING PREGNANT SUCKS!